Comedians & Writers

Featured Comedians


  • “They’re cowards, but they make the best water.”


  • “The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee.”


  • ” Next week Europe will be under one of the biggest meteor showers in history. People in France are very excited and are asking, “What’s a shower?”
  • The Conan O’Brien Affaire


  • “I’d like to tell everyone to use patriotism while celebrating today. If you get drunk – please throw up on a French person.”
  • ” A band instructor at a Texas high school is taking heat for having the band put on a halftime show that had Nazi flags. The interesting thing is that the French class surrendered to the band.”


Lorne Michaels, Paula Pell, Doug Abeles, Leo Allen, James Anderson, Max Brooks, James Downey, James Egan, Tina Fey, Charlie Grandy, Steve Higgins, Erik Kenward, Dennis McNicholas, Corwin Moore, Lorne Michaels, Matt Murray, Paula Pell, Ken Scarborough, Michael Schur, Frank Sebastiano, T. Sean Shannon, Eric Slovin, Robert Smigel, Emily Spivey, Andrew Steele, Scott Wainio

  • “Announcer: France. Home to the world’s greatest painters, chefs.. and anti-Semites. The French. Cowardly, yet opinionated. Arrogant, yet foul-smelling. Anti-Israel, Anti-American, and, of course, as always, Jew-hating. Paris. The city of whores. Dog feces on every corner. And effete men yelling anti-Semitic remarks at children. The real creme de la creme of world culture. With all that’s going on in the world, isn’t it about time we got back to hating the French?”


  • “Top Ten Signs France Is Celebrating Their Soccer Victory: 8. Surrendering to Germany.”
  • “France wants more evidence. The last time France wanted more evidence, it rolled right through France with a German flag.”


  • Groundskeeper Willie: Bun-jerrr, you cheese-eatin’ surrender monkeys! – ‘Round Springfield [6.22]
  • Scorpio: By the way, Homer, what’s your least favorite country, Italy or France? Homer: France.Scorpio: [laughs] Nobody ever says Italy. – You Only Move Twice [8.02]
  • Lenny: “I’m shaking like a French soldier!” – The Blunder Years


  • “Even in France they would take notice of your bad odor!” – Peggy talking to Bill


  • “Crowds of French protesters also burned this pile of tires… apparently to neutralize the stench of crowds of French protestors”
  • “Basically, faced with danger – the French – oh what’s the word I’m looking for? Gave up? No. Conceeded? Anyway…” – April 2008


  • Episode 1008 – Make Love, Not Warcraft. Cartman: “if you had the chance to go back in time right now and stop Hitler, wouldn’t you do it ?[…]When Hitler rose to power, there were a lot of people who just stopped playing. You know who those people were ? The French. Are you French, Clyde ?”
  • Episode 805 – You got F in the A. Stan: “Otherwise you might as well move to France with all the other pussies”.
  • Episode 1307 – American: “they were French so of course they surrendered immediately” 

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