Another day and it’s another email from Comedy Central. This time it’s a brand new website called jokes.com which is now owned and operated by Comedy Central. So with the usual glee that comes with a new source of American comedic material, sarcasm intended, I went to this website and typed in “French” to see what would come up.
First “joke” listed: “What’s the shortest book ever written? French War Heroes.”
Well this is a great start…
Next joke: “When I was in high school, I was in the French club. We didn’t really do anything. Every once in a while, we’d surrender to the German club” – Brian Kiley
Then we’re treated to some Fresh “Quotes About the French” most of which were already indexed by us in the French Bashing section of the site.
“As far as I’m concerned, war always means failure.” – Jacques Chirac, President of France
“As far as France is concerned, you’re right.” – Rush Limbaugh
“What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?” – Dennis Miller
“You know why the French don’t want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates Americans, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people.” – Conan O’Brien
“American teenagers are six times more likely to get pregnant than French teenagers. And what does that tell you? It tells you that American teenagers are better looking. But I say, let’s learn from the French — don’t hand out condoms to high school students, take away their deodorant.” – David Feldman
But it gets better.
“Why did the Post Office have to recall its series of stamps depicting famous Frenchmen? People were confused about which side to spit on.”
“What is the first thing the French Army teaches at basic training? How to surrender in at least 10 languages.”
“Why do the French Smell? So blind people can hate them too!”
Reasons for being French?
- When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.
- Experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time.
- You get to eat insect food like snails and frog”s legs.
- If there’s a war you can surrender really early.
- You don’t have to read the subtitles on those late night films on TV.
- You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people’s countries.
- You can be ugly and still become a famous film star.
- Allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street humiliating your sense of national pride.
- You don”t have to bother with toilets, just shit in the street.
- People think you”re a great lover even when you”re not.
Comedy Central’s jokes about the French seem to fall in three categories: (1) Surrender jokes, (2) Body Odour and (3) Hatred for the French.
Of course, according to the website’s terms and conditions, you must not use, allow, or enable others to use the Site, or knowingly condone use of this Site by others, in any manner that is, attempts to, or is likely to be ethnically offensive, discriminatory hateful … It would seem the “terms and conditions” are the biggest joke on joke.com.
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Please be polite and informative when sharing grievances.
In other news, a notorious French Basher just signed a deal with NBC for a 10 o’clock show.